Why Apart Of Me Died Too

Where do I begin? Let us just talk about life for a moment. Life comes at you real fast and unexpected. All these obstacles we go through and the challenges we face every day. I have experienced a lot throughout my twenty-seven years of life. What was the hardest thing you ever been through or currently still going through? Mines was losing not one, but both of parents was by far the hardest thing I had ever been through. They were my rock, my backbone, and honestly they were there for me for everything through the ups and downs. I am forever thankful for my parents. I was not perfect, hell far from perfect, but they loved me unconditional no matter what I did. I know a lot of people have experience what the pain feels like to lose at least one parents, and some have not yet to experience that which I do not wish on anybody. Even though we hate to see it, to be brutality honest it is a part of life. I mean no matter how much you try to prepare for death, it is never easy. The popular saying I heard "it gets better with time," but is that true?

Let me get a little personal. I have lost my father since 2015 and my mother since 2017, but till this day if I am being honest it has not gotten better. I still cry every other day. I think about them every day. I cannot even watch a movie about families that has sentimental parts with a mother and a father without crying. I still see them in my dreams every now and then, but they do not say anything to me, yet they just sit there smiling at me. That means something right? Did I ever really learned how to copped with it? I don’t know yet or maybe I haven’t accepted the fact that they are really gone because I still want it to be a bad dream that I just haven’t woke up from yet. What I do know is everyone has there own way of copping. No one can tell you how to feel or how to be copped with it.

With both of my parents passing I was at both of their sides literally when they took their last breath on this earth. It hurts so bad in another type of pain that you could not even imagine. What hurts the most is seeing them suffer though and all I want is for them to get and feel better, but I didn’t imagine that for them to get better they had to leave this earth so they couldn’t feel the pain anymore. Was it selfish for me to want them to keep fighting so I could still have them both alive today? I know God has a plan for everyone and it was there calling home. I just was not ready but then again who is ever ready for death right? Again, life is unexpected.

to be continued.....

with ❤, Ro